Story 3 in the "Funny ISP Story" series.
(From 1996, by Hillary (Gorman) Israeli, netaxs -
edited by Avi Freedman, netaxs)
sponsored by readnews.com
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Hillary posted this to alt.sysadmin.recovery, 3/14/96
(snipped)
2)we noticed that one of our T1s was down, dead, toasted, not alive, etc.
the smartjack had no lights on. avi called bell about this:
Avi: hi, our T1 is dead
Bell: can you give us the circuit number?
Avi: well, the bill says it is #, but the box on the wall is
labelled #
Bell: please describe for me why you think it is down.`
Avi: because it is dead. it is down. it is not functioning
Bell: ok, we'll do a test.
Avi: no, you need to send someone out. it doesn't work, none of the
lights on the smartjack are on.
Bell: we'll test it, and send someone out if it is warranted.
Avi: Thanks. bye.
Moments later, our favorite bell tech, Guy from Bell , called us up:
Avi: hello?
GFB: hey, avi, i went to check on the T for you...
Avi: yeah?
GFB: you didn't hear this from me, but it's been disco'd.
Avi: Excuse me? The account is
current, we haven't gotten any notices, what's going on?
GFB: i don't know. you'll have to call the office...
Avi: bye
avi calls bell
Avi: yes, I'm calling about circuit # or , whichever it is,
it's been disconnected, WHY?
Bell: let's see.
Avi: the account is current. we've recieved [sic] no notices. What is going on?
Bell: oops. we have made an administrative error. We'll fix that for you
right away sir.
Avi: thanks.
our POP was up and running within 5 minutes (so don't let those people
tell you it takes longer to start up a T)
Then a reply - also in a.s.r. This reply got forwarded around to
various NGs, and made alt.humor.best-of-usenet
In alt.sysadmin.recovery, edremy@chem1.usc.edu (Eric Remy) wrote:
>In article <4i9vcn$7ui@netaxs.com>, hillary@netaxs.com (Hillary Gorman) wrote:
>> Avi: hi, our T1 is dead
>> Bell: can you give us the circuit number?
>> Avi: well, the bill says it is #, but the box on the wall is
>> labelled #
>> Bell: please describe for me why you think it is down.`
>> Avi: because it is dead. it is down. it is not functioning
>Bell: No, no, it's uh, it's resting
>Avi: Look matey, I know a dead T1 when I see it, and I'm looking at one
>right now.
>Bell: No no it's not dead, it's, it's restin'! Remarkable line, the T1,
>idn'it, ay? Beautiful bits!
>Avi: The bits don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
>Bell: Nonononono, no, no. It's resting.
>Avi: All right then, if it's resting, I'll wake it up. socket> ELLO, MISTER TELLY T1! I've got a lovely fresh news spool for
>you if you show.
>Bell: See- it's working!
>Avi: No it isn't- that was you.
>Bell: I never!
>Avi: Yes, you did!
>Bell: I never did anything.
>Avi: server.> ELLO T1!!!! TESTING TESTING TESTING! This is your 9 o'clock
>cron job download!
>
>Now that's what I call a dead T1!
>Bell: No, no, you stunned it.
>Avi: STUNNED!?
>Bell: Yeah- you stunned it just as it was starting to accept packets. T1s
>stun easily, major.
>Avi: Um, now look mate. I've had enough of this. This T1 is definitely
>deceased, and when we hooked it up not more than a day ago, you assured me
>that its total inability to transmit was due to it being tired and shagged
>out after trying to pull across all of
>alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.really.really.nasty last night.
>Bell: Well, it's , ah, it's just pining for the ARPANET.
>Avi: PINING FOR THE ARPANET?!? What kind of talk is that? Look, why did
>it drop every packet as soon as we plugged it into this Sparc?
>Bell: The T1 prefers to drop packets from a Sparc. Remarkable line, isn't
>it. Lovely bits.
>Avi: Look, I took the liberty of dissassembling the smartjack last night,
>and found that the only reason that it looked like it was working it
>because you'd wired the lights to a battery.
>Bell: Well, of course. If we hadn't, it might have burned the whole
>smartjack out-VOOM VOOM!
>Avi: VOOM? Mate, this line wouldn't voom if you put four million volts
>through it. It's bleeding demised!
>Bell: No, no, it's pining.
>Avi: It's not pining, it's passed on! This line is not working! It has
>ceased to transmit! Bereft of data, it lies in peace. If you hadn't
>wired the lights it would have been recycled. It carries 0MB/sec! It's no
>longer functional- it's shuffled off the backbone and gone to meet its
>maker. THIS IS AN EX-T1!
>Bell: Well, we better fix it then. 'Fraid we're all out of working T1s.
>Avi. I see, I see. I get the picture
>Bell: I've got an AOL disk and a 2400 baud modem.
>Avi: Pray, does it work?
>Bell: Nnnnot really...
>--
>Eric Remy edremy@chem1.usc.edu
>"See, I told you that they'd listen to Reason."- Fisheye, _Snow Crash_
>I have no idea what (or how) USC thinks, so I certainly can't be expressing its opinion
Trevor Fiatal ----- tafiatal@ac.net ----- Internet Engineer, ISP Consultant
"Get drunk? Who has time to get drunk? There's 90 messages in the support
queue, the news server has run out of disk again, every user with Trumpet
f***ing Winsock is reporting connection problems, and I haven't slept in
3 bloody days. Yeah, now that you mention it, I *could* use a drink..."
Alphanet ------ A Full Service Internet Something Or Other in Pinehurst, NC